Building a Healthy Relationship

Power Sharing in Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships value respect, caring, equality, connection, and support and are based on shared and separate experiences:

• Partners function as a team, making decisions, sharing responsibilities, meeting needs, and using strengths.
• Each partner has an independent self as well as the shared life of the couple.
• Partners have their own relationships with others as well as the couple’s shared relationships.

Partners in a healthy relationship share power and control. While one partner has more power sometimes, this power shifts equally and overall there is a balance. 

Healthy Conflict

The presence of conflict does not necessarily signal an abusive relationship, although it can. Most relationships experience some degree of conflict. The following are some ‘rules’ for ensuring that your relationship conflict is healthy.

Don’t:

Threaten abandonment to achieve control

• This destroys intimacy, conflict resolution, and trust, resulting in fears of being totally rejected

Use self-degrading words (“I’m no good…) while arguing

• It takes the focus off the issue, shows a lack of healthy boundaries, and tries to manipulate the other person into boosting your self-esteem

Use or threaten physical or emotional violence

• This destroys trust and intimacy, takes the focus off the issues, and blocks communication

Do:

Deal with one thing at a time

• Don’t save up past issues and use them as weapons
• Stay focused on the issue that started the conflict
• Unresolved issues need to be dealt with at another time

Respect the other person’s feelings or perceptions

• It is important to respect the other’s views even if you do not agree
• Shaming someone for their feelings destroys trust and intimacy and blocks communication

Take a time out

• Take a break if you are getting upset or tired, but set a time for resuming the discussion
• Let the other person know where you are going and when you will return so they do not feel abandoned

If you wish to speak a counsellor,
please call 905-387-9959 231.